


[wilby changed the chat name to ‘gremlins’]

by pastelwolfie



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Arson, Chaos, Crack Treated Seriously, Dadza, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, How Do I Tag, Kinda, Other, angst? not really but meh, help it’s gone feral, its all shits and giggles, oh no it’s a group chat, someone gets put into hospital immediately, till someone giggles and shits💀, what have i become
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelwolfie/pseuds/pastelwolfie
Summary: crackfic chatfic let’s goooothese crack me up, i took my own shot at ithumor/fluff/angst maybe??they’re all idiots lmfao
Relationships: ALL PLATONIC, Kinda - Relationship
Comments: 20
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> we really do be wilding out here, don’t we boys?
> 
> written during class bc inspo reallly do be out here ??
> 
> .wilbur - wilby   
> .techno - blood god   
> .tommy - trash panda   
> .tubbo - buzzy  
> .dream - greenboi  
> .george - goggy   
> .sapnap - arson boy   
> .quackity - birb  
> .schlatt - big man   
> .bad - language   
> .skeppy - expensive   
> .fundy - defo a furry   
> .ranboo - traffic   
> .niki - niki   
> .eret - traitor   
> .phil - dadza   
> .jack - manifall   
> .sam - sam   
> .karl - kckarl

\- 5:07am  
[wilby added blood god, trash panda, buzzy, and 14 others to the chat]

[wilby changed the chat name to ‘gremlins’]

blood god: wilbur why

wilby: i want chaos

dadza: Go to sleep.

big man: you in for it now, bud.

-10:43am

greenboi: not only do i second techno’s question but  
why were you up at 5??

birb: yeah  
even i was aslep dude like srsly

traitor: quackity please come back once you’ve learn how to type properly

birb: shudup traiyor 

traitor: what?   
oh  
why is this my name??

birb: ill type wrse now just to spite u

blood god: don’t

greenboi: oh no

birb: wgats it to u, pig boy?  
piggywiggy  
baconboy

blood god: i will beat your ass right in the middle of english, do not try me.

birb: will you niw porkchop?  
greasy meat

goggy: quackity i suggest running as soon as lesson ends  
i’m fairly certain he has a knife?

birb: WHAT TGE FUCK??

arson boy: wtf  
techno why do you have a knife at school??  
how is this allowed??  
-[technohasaknife.png]

dadza: Why are you texting in class?

trash panda: wil why the fuck did you add phil

wilby: i said i wanted chaos, child  
i intend to get some

dadza: Techno where did you get the knife?

blood god: that’s of no concern, father  
please steer clear of the hallways

buzzy: oh no  
what did they do

greenboi: techno please step down  
quackity is practically on the floor  
-[quackityisscared.png]

traitor: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?

manifall: bell’s out, what will they do?

traffic: techno with a knife, what will he do?

goggy: run

arson boy: run

kckarl: why’s techno in the hallway running with a knife?

birb: TWCHNO PLEASE I DONT WAMT TO DIE PLEASR IM SOR CEFG

trash panda: dad

wilby: shit  
dad help

dadza: What?  
wait

arson boy:  
-[someonestophim.png]

defo a furry: of all the days i get sick  
WHO THE FUCK NAMED ME A FURRY

wilby: :)

language: <—

eret: don’t you think we have more important things to worry about??

-1:58pm  
sam: so wait how’d it go

trash panda: how the hell did you miss it??

sam: what?

goggy: sam do you live under a rock?

arson boy: did you seriously miss the whole thing?

sam: i have classes on the opposite side of campus  
of course i did, dipshits

language: <—!!

sam: sorry bad

buzzy: techno beat up quackity

trash panda: quackity went to the nurse’s office  
holy shit dude it was huge   
dream challenged techno to a best of 10  
after school today  
everyone’s gonna be there  
is gonna be so cool

buzzy: tommy please calm down  
mr. star is staring at you

trash panda: mr. star can’t do SHIT

traffic: tommy i wouldn’t say that if i were you  
don’t test him please

language: <—!!   
please calm down, tommy! why are you so exited anyways? why’re fighting!! :(

expensive: how dare yous 

trash panda: EXACTLY  
FIGHTH FIGHT FIGHT FIHATSCA

goggy: what the hell did you do to him

expensive: bad i apologise on everyone’s behalf 

big man: that is false you don’t get my apology

trash panda: neither

wilby: neither

greenboi: neither

arson boy: neither

language: thank you, skeppy <3  
wait  
guys no :(

dadza: Boys I know you’re all in class, pay attention.

trash panda: whatchu gonna do about it, big man??  
ground me??

dadza: Precisely. 

wilby: tommy please

dadza: I can confiscate your phones, boys.

greenboi: haha suck it  
that’s what you get for adding your dad

dadza: Dream I am teaching you right now I can also confiscate your device. 

traffic: big rip dude

big man: dream how did you not see that coming?  
aren’t you supposed to be smart ‘n shit?

greenboi: i rwpadbcrded 

trash panda: PAHAHA

wilby: dream what the fuck  
-[dontdothat.png]  
someone tell him to back off  
he keeps on yelling ‘speedrun’ 

blood god: tell him ‘reverse manhunting’, wilbur

wilby: okay ??

arson boy: WILBUR NO

goggy: DONT  
DON’T DO THAT PLEASE

arson boy: PLEASE NOT RIGHT NOW

wilby: techno what did you just get me to activate

language: you muffinhead

expensive: bad are u good??

buzzy: I CAN HEAR HIM??

trash panda: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

dadza: Seconded. What did you do? this isn’t normal. Is it?  
-[whatishappening.mp3]

trash panda: WHAT THE FUCK  
CONTAIN IT  
PLWASE DAD 

buzzy: WHAT??

wilby: TECHNO WHAT THE FUCK

blood god: i wasn’t expecting this violent of a reaction

traffic: what’s happening there’s so much screaming?

big man: cowering in a classroom. hbu?

goggy: don’t let it out

traffic: it??

arson boy: please  
don’t let him out

blood god: i advise you let him out if you want to maintain a usable classroom.

language: FOR THE LOVE OF MUFFINS DONT  
DONT LET IT OUT

blood god: class is out boys, make a run for it.

wilby: techno what did you do

blood god: nothing, you did this.

buzzy: GEORGE ARE YOU OKAY??

trash panda: ?  
oh  
yeah

kckarl: sap are you good??  
do i need to drive you home??

arson boy: you d just a be ankther tetdrgdr for hu m

language: GODDAMIT WILBUR  
FUCK YOU

wilby: WOAH WOAH WOAH

sam: YO

buzzy: WHAT THE HELL

trash panda: WHAT THE FUCK

big man: HOLY SHIIIIT

kckarl: WHAT THE HONK

traffic: wil i think you broke bad  
-[badrugood.png]

blood god: RANBOO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

traffic: what!!

blood god: DREAM IS HUNTING THEM GET AWAY FROM BAD

traffic: i don’t think he’s breathing right??

blood god: THEN LET HIM BREATG WRONG RANBOO GET AWAY  
RIGHT NOW

trash panda: ooO, does porkchop have a soft spot?👀

blood god: tommy we live together think very hard about this

buzzy: techno i’d like to keep my bestfriend  
please

goggy:  
-[help.png]

buzzy: RANBOO NO

blood god: hang on a sec ran, i’ll get you out

expensive: what about bad ??

blood god: he’s broken there’s no saving him.

kckarl: wait  
goggy  
what’s in sap’s hand?

wilby: yeah, what is that?

kckarl:   
-[screenshot.of.help.png]  
that looks like a lighter  
goggy??

goggy: shit  
oh shit  
fuck

expensive: ??

wilby: ?

sam: you good?

big man: what?  
HOLY SHIT

buzzy: what??

trash panda: explanation please!?

wilby: SAPNAP WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

goggy: HELP  
WE’RE FUCKING TRAPPED  
-[voice.note:17.secs]

wilby: DAD  
DAD HELP

dadza: Hm?  
WILBUR WHY THE FUCK IS THE SCIENCE LAB ON FIRE??

arson boy: WHAT THE HELL WILBWD

goggy: HOLY SHIT WIL

greenboi: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??

blood god: DREAM YOU ALMOST KNOCKED OUT RANBOO WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

greenboi:  
-[runsapsanidiot.png]

dadza: Dream get out, take everyone to the courtyard  
where’s wilbur?

buzzy: wait what’s happening??  
why’s the fire alarm going off??

goggy: WHAT DO WE DO  
WE CANT WAKE HIM UP??

trash panda: we?? i thought it was just you and sap??

arson boy:  
-[whatdowedo.png]

blood god: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

trash panda: IS THAT WIL??

buzzy: WHAT THE HELL

big man: SAPNAP WHAT THE FUCK

greenboi: HOLY SHIT IS HE OKAY??

arson boy: philza please  
i’m srry  
he barged theougj to us s i didn’t makem him do anyhducb 

greenboi: oh  
sap you’re fucked

goggy: DAMN STRAIGHT HE IS  
WE CAN GARDLY BREATG

sapnap: h elp 

dadza: I’m calling the cops.


	2. [dadza added niki to the chat]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sapnap burnt the science lab down what will we do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot goes brrr  
> brainrot istg i do have a direction for this i’m having fun tho so  
> 💃

-12:02pm  
defo a furry: so what actually happened??

greenboi: sap set the fucking school on fire

defo a furry: again??

traffic: ‘again’ ?? !!

goggy: it’s not an uncommon occurrence

arson boy: people are names for a reason smh 😒

dadza: Can vouch. This is probably the 5th time. 

blood god: yeah and it’ll be his last once he’s released from hospital

traffic: HOSPITAL ??

greenboi: duh  
dumb fuck set the school on fire? obvs he wasn’t unscathed

big man: no one was unscathed you twerp

traffic: i’m fine-

trash panda: i’m a someone bitch boy

buzzy: i think our class was unscathed

defo a furry: okay  
let me get this straight  
who got put in hospital?

greenboi: i’m w/goggy rn

defo a furry: anyone else ??

goggy: bad’s here as well, but skeppy’ w/him so

big man: don’t forget wil  
wil’s here too

defo a furry: jesus fuck  
how the hell did you manage that?? i’m gone for one day??

kckarl: you should have let me drive you home :(

blood god: yes, sapnap, you should have.

goggy: uh oh

blood god: karl is one of the few people i don’t enjoy upsetting.

kckarl: why are you upsetting me -?

blood god: well i’m about to be the reason both your boyfriends are in hospital

dadza: Techno, calm down.

buzzy: wtf

trash panda: dad he’s scaring us now  
dad he still has a knife  
please

traffic: !!

manifall: wth is wrong with you lot??

kckarl: techno what did you do to quackity??

greenboi: karl quackity was sent home after techno almost stabbed him yesterday how tf did you not know this??

kckarl: WHAT  
TECHNO  
WHAT YHE HONK

blood god: it’s not hard to not call me bacon  
he had it coming

goggy: true true

sam: sap where are u

arson boy: ...

buzzy: wait yeah where is he?

trash panda: we can’t see him in the hospital? you said he was hurt  
did the bitch boy make a run for it???

defo a furry: wtf are you in the hospital ??

dadza: Sapnap is currently in a holding cell at the local station 

greenboi: HOLY SHIT

goggy: WAIT WHAT??

kckarl: NO??

big man: BAHAHAH

kckarl: DONT LAUGH SCHLATT WHAT IF I NEVER GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN

buzzy: surely not ???

goggy: wait

defo a furry: (reply @kckarl, “dont laugh what if i never get to see him again) valid issue

kckarl: NO  
NO   
NO NONONONONONONONON

traffic: surely they’d have confiscated sap’s phone??

arson boy: ranboo istg don’t ruin it

kckarl: SAPNAP

arson boy: WAIT NO  
I DIDNT MENA IT KALE PLEASE

-6:49pm  
traffic: @buzzy what was the maths? i don’t remember

trash panda: there was homework??

buzzy: just the a-d of 4 from the sheer from class :)

traffic: oh  
okay

trash panda: RANBOO WHY ARE YOU DOJNG HOMWWORK WE HAVE A PERFECT EXCUSE NKT TO??  
TUBBO HAVE TOU ALREADY DONE IT??

buzzy: dude i finished in class

trash panda: HOW??

buzzy: when everyone was screaming @ dream.

traffic: i don’t think i have the sheet  
what do i do 

buzzy: how’d you loose it??

traffic: idk??  
somewhere between bad and techno i think??

greenboi: sapnap i’m actually going to murder you   
what the fuck

arson boy: ??  
dream i just got let out i haven’t done anything yet 

blood god: is that so, you dipshit??  
is that so??

goggy: um ??

arson boy: what?? i’ve been in a cell i couldn’t do anything??

trash panda: sap please don’t 

big man: wait what the fuck

defo a furry: sap what did you do

manifall: tommy apologies? couldn’t be me

arson boy: ???  
elaborate

blood god: this is your fucking fault.  
-[lookwhatyoudid.png]

greenboi: SAPNAP WHAT THE FUCK

buzzy: HOLY SHIT

big man: is he okay??

goggy: BRO WTF

traffic: wil!! is he alright? :(

dadza: I’ve confiscated sapnap’s, techno’s and tommy’s phones as we speak.   
They’re going to talk it out.

buzzy: but techno is gonna murder sap??

dadza: Not with me here

goggy: oh i wouldn’t be too sure, philza

greenboi: techno literally put quackity in hospital yesterday  
i wouldn’t put anything past him

big man: at least sap can hold his own

sam: you sure about that??

big man: he set the fucking school on fire  
yes i’m sure

buzzy: george, why are you and sap in the hospital? we’re you hurt? :(

goggy: i’m fine, just smoke

greenboi: sap has like, a fever  
oh god i can hear the yelling from here

traffic: oh  
will you be alright?

goggy: we’ll be fine dw

defo a furry: i’ll ask the big boy question then  
is wil gonna be okay?

greenboi: hearing the shouting i’d assume no but i’ll go with yes

sam: how bad could it really be tho?

goggy: well

buzzy: ?!!!

dadza:   
-[voice.note:27.secs]

big man: oh shit

kckarl: oh my god

greenboi: he’s tough  
he’ll be fine

birb: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRNG WITH ALL OF YOY

buzzy: quackity !!

goggy: oh

greenboi: oh hey quackity 

big man: hey he’s alive 

birb: ONE GODDAMN DAY

sam: impressive, right?

birb: WHY ARE YOU BRAGGING ABOUT THIS

dadza: hold up

[dadza added niki to the chat]

greenboi: PHIL

niki: what’s happening??

buzzy: niki!! :D

niki: do you boys know why the alarm went off yesterday?

greenboi: well

goggy: uh

greenboi:  
-[theyrerighttgereohgod.mp3]

niki: w  
what-??

buzzy: it’s a long story, niki :(

niki: please explain!!

buzzy: give me a second

[@buzzy sent a private message to @niki]

buzzy: well...


	3. [@blood god sent a private message to @dadza]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plot goes 💃
> 
> let’s threaten more people’s lives because they scream chaotic teenagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi yes  
> actual plot  
> you just need to read between the lines to find it :)

-10:52pm  
big man: uh  
-[youreintroublenow.png]  
sap i suggest running

arson boy: ???

birb: he’s right outsode you moron  
run

greenboi: i’m letting him in if he knocks  
you know that right

arson boy: DREAM NO  
PLEASE

goggy: what the hell was that ??

greenboi: holy shit i think he’s on the roof

birb:  
-[hesontheroofwtf.png]  
run

arson boy: @kckarl PICK ME UP PLEASE  
PLEASE

sam: why are you helping them schlatt??

kckarl: i’m on my way !!

big man: despite your prejudice, sam, i don’t want another friend with a stab wound

language: what’s happening?

sam: oh, hey bad!

birb: SAPNPA RUN FOR THR LOVE OF GOD

birb: @dadza  
@dadza  
@dadza  
@dadza  
CONTROL YOUR SON GODDAMIT @dadza

dadza: What? It’s late, you should be sleeping 

big man: a) we’re teenagers we don’t sleep. b) control your son quackity is freaking the fuck out i have a splitting headache

dadza: Oh?

greenboi: um  
sap

arson boy: yes?

greenboi: he’s in the bathroom.

goggy: you let him in??

arson boy: WHAT THE FUCKSHSV

kckarl: i’m outside !!

niki: boys, stop :(

arson boy: TELL THRAT TO TECHN O GODDAMIT 

niki: @blood god stop.

blood god:   
-[hedidthis.png]

niki: @arson boy is this true??

greenboi: yep

goggy: yeah and he trapped me w/him

arson boy: GUYS

kckarl: who lives the furthest??

sam: probably ranboo?

language: it takes the longest for me to get to ran’s <3

expensive: bad you’re meant to be sleeping  
you’re not meant to be on screens

language: sorry, just wanted to help :(  
gn :))

expensive: gn :))

sam: gn

dadza: Sleep well

birb: are you not collecting your hellspawn??

dadza: It’s deserved  
you seem to forget he put my other son in hospital

goggy: technically wil did that on his own

kckarl: @traffic we’re coming over is that okay ??

sam: is ran even awake??

buzzy: he said he was doing homework yeah he’s up

kckarl: ok  
@traffic please can you let us in?? open the door we’re being followed i’m not opening the car until we have a clear run

arson boy: what if i called the cops??

blood god: you were in holding earlier today i don’t think that’d work out for you.  
@kckarl open up

kckarl: but i don’t want to loose sapnap :((

blood god: do you think i care?  
wil hasn’t woken up yet  
@traffic what the fuck was that?

kckarl: @traffic ??

arson boy: holy shit

sam: you guys??

big man: not all of us are psychos out at 11 what happened

buzzy: what’s even going on??

[@blood god sent @dadza a private message]

blood god:  
-[voice.note:3.secs]

dadza:   
-[voice.note:15.secs]

blood god: thanks 

-12.34pm  
[buzzy sent a message on ‘gremlins’]  
buzzy: guys what’s happening?? please :(

sam: techno just attempted murder on sap

big man: then karl drove him to ranboo’s

trash panda: dad where are you?? @dadza @blood god i thought you didn’t like leaving me alone??  
i’ll ransack the snack cupboard 

buzzy: same me some!!

trash panda: dw bitch boy obvs i will 🙄 

buzzy: :DD

dadza: Tommy we’ll be back by 2, don’t stay up for us. 

trash panda: dad wtf is happening you’re never out this late

dadza: I have a stray son to pick up Tommy just go to bed.

trash panda: whatever

-08:16am  
defo a furry: what the fuck is wrong with all of you

manifall: uh yeah seconded??   
why were you planning midnight murder??

trash panda: guys wil woke up  
-[itlives.png]

buzzy: yay!!

blood god: it was an eventful night.

greenboi: did you get sap??

arson boy: he didn’t  
we got distracted

goggy: seriously? by what??

kckarl: nothing important

sam: seriously? ‘nothing serious’ stopped the blood god?

blood god: sap got attacked by a squirrel.

arson boy: NO I WASNT??

kckarl: he was??  
OH YEAH  
HE WAS

arson boy: um??  
oh  
you said you wouldn’t tell you guys wtf??

blood god: sorry not sorry

arson boy: i still have a lighter i am 5 minutes from the hospital

goggy: SAPNAP

greenboi: SAPNAP

big man: WTF

birb: UM??

buzzy: SAPNAP NO??

trash panda: WHAT THE FUCK


	4. buzzy: @niki please come pick us up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hah danger don’t leave your kids in the care of other, irresponsible kids :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> istfg my inspo has run dry if any of you have any prompts/requests for me to include lmk i need to be spoonfed ideas for this at this rate i’m juggling like 4 unfinished fics constantly

-11.46am  
big man: so this week has been fun and all but like  
are we still having that techno/dream duel?

greenboi: yesssss techno fight me

sam: i’m genuinely surprised you have the confidence to challenge him still

big man: seconded

greenboi: i’m not a bitch he doesn’t scare me :T

defo a furry: dream he tracked sap down and did something ?? unclear  
how are you not scared

niki: can we please all just calm down :(

buzzy: @trash panda are u still down to do homework w/me at mine today?

goggy: tommy doesn’t do homework he’s irresponsible 

trash panda: @buzzy maybe we may be having a family day today tho  
hey fuck you @goggy

greenboi: watch it, tommy

goggy: dream istg

trash panda: oh?? how so, bitch boy??

greenboi: i can put off that duel to come find you 

dadza: Okay let’s all just put our phones down and get long with our Saturdays okay?

sam: agreed 

big man: ugh fine  
communal dad

defo a furry: good plan

dadza: also @trash panda

trash panda: yes dad

dadza: go to tubbo’s

trash panda: why?? can i not spend time at home with you?? wil’s come home i want to be there?? do you hate me??  
i won’t hurt him??  
what’s wrong with you??

daza: something completely unrelated just go to tubbo’s

trash panda: fine whatever philza minecraft

——

the chat was oddly dormant the rest of that weekend, tommy not returning from tubbo’s again, per his father’s request. tommy wasn’t complaining, though. any time causing chaos with tubbo was time well spent to him.  
the chat would have been more active, had half of its occupants not been put in the hospital by the others.  
goggy was released later that day, staying with sapnap and dream in their house again. they had their fun, but sapnap seemed oddly disconnected from them.

fundy recovered from the stomach bug that had gotten him off school, deciding to spend his weekend with schlatt and quackity, and they had a surprisingly good time.

philza’s house was an entirely different case, however.  
techno and phil did not have a good time, freaking out with a half-recovered wilbur (released from hospital late on saturday) about what had happened? wilbur had some explaining to do (“how did you even get caught in the fire??”) and techno and phil had a deadass panic over what had happened friday night.  
phil really needed to tell his kids to back down, tune it down a notch. at this rate all the teens in town would be dead or in juvie.

-3.28pm  
trash panda: dad  
@dadza  
dad we’re stuck in the car

traitor: how are you stuck in a car? don’t have one?

buzzy: schlatt came to pick us up but him and quackity lokced us in :((

niki: why are you with schlatt anyways?

trash panda: we wanted wendy’s

big man: yes which is why you’re stuck in my car

buzzy: what does that mean ??

birb: anyne who likes wendy’s deswrves death, idiot.

greenboi: valid

trash panda: ILL FUCKING MURDER ALL OF YOU MORONS ISTG ILLF UCKIN COME FIN DYKU WIDVECSHUSMwid

traitor: um

manifall: he good lol

buzzy: HElpkage twagwiekebeeg

manifall: yay someone killed them lmao

traitor: are they?? okay??

birb: nO

manifall: uh

big man: v

traitor: wait what’s actually happening

birb: sme twerp just tried to break into schlag’s car lol

traitor: what??

manifall: ballsy. who?

birb: thse mfs  
-[idiots.png]

manifall: wait isn’t that charlie??  
and ted??

traitor: is that fucking jaiden??

birb: apparently lol

big man: not anymore 

manifall: wait what the hell did you do??

birb: classifeid 

buzzy: @niki please come pick us up

trash panda: seconded

niki: what did you do to them??

birb: what didn’t he do lmao

manifall: uh

traitor: schlatt don’t get yourself arrested 

big man: i learnt my lesson from last time :T

manifall: really??

big man: yah

traitor: something makes me doubt that-

big man: this time they can’t go running their mouths lol

traitor: ah there it is.

—🌊—


	5. [@dadza started a group call]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> speedran rewriting this to make it line up more with my original draft lolol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i haven’t forgotten about this lmfao

-7.49am  
defo a furry: okay is anyone actually going to school today lmao

sam: yep

niki: ofc !!

manifall: unfortunately 

traitor: mhm

birb: nah lmso 

big man: my car is being repaired so no

goggy: ye

language: no :(

expensive: probably not

dadza: all the minecrafts will be out today.

trash panda: what??  
dad come downstairs   
are we going to talk about that??

blood god: dad you should probably explain

sam: okay wtf is going on with you lot

manifall: is ranboo coming? he hasn’t spoken to me all weekend.

niki: uh  
i don’t think so? he’s sick.

traitor: how do you know?

sam: oh :(

niki: he stayed the weekend at mine :)

arson boy: i’m suspended lol 

greenboi: that was a given 

buzzy: @dadza i can hear screaming from all the way across the road are you guys okay??

blood god: tommy’s being a bitch about renovation plans

trash panda: SHRUD UP THRECHON

traitor: that’s a new one lol

manifall: haha threchon

buzzy: those are screams of trerror now wth

dadza: He’ll be fine.

[@manifall sent a private message to @traffic]

manifall: you good dude?  
you going to school?

traffic: no

manifall: you’re ditching?? you said you’d come with me to crash the goths :(

traffic: sorr y

manifall: dude you good??

traffic: ye

manifall: i’ll play hookie to come see you, you know that right??

traffic: no  
don’t 

manifall: why not? :(

traffic: please 

manifall: oh will niki kick me out pahaha

traffic: no i went home  
please just go to school jack

manifall: oh  
uh  
sure thing ran

-10:34am

manifall: okay who wants to help me crash that goth meeting then dip and go to ranboo’s

buzzy: me !!

trash panda: without me ?? :(

traitor: i’ll supervise lol 

niki: eret!! how could you?

sam: what lol

traitor: lmao i hate the goths  
they’ll understand

trash panda: tubbo how could you :((

buzzy: i’m sorry toms   
it’s boring without all you guys  
it’s calm

big man: oh shit  
we really are the problem lmao

arson boy: yes clearly

kckarl: i’ll come w/you @manifall

manifall: great let’s go  
meet me by lab2  
they’re meeting in lab3 so

sam: the burnt and hazardous one??

manifall: they’re goths what do you expect lol

-1:07pm

kckarl: YOOO  
-[wtfaretheydoing.png]

greenboi: WHAT THE HELL

dadza: The one day I’m out?

manifall: YO WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING  
-[um??what??.png]

traitor: dude have you guys heard the new kid talk??

sam: who’s actually there??

buzzy: me, jack and eret

sam: no the goths you idiot

manifall: ethan, mark, dave, minx and the new kid

buzzy:  
-[listentothenewkid.mp3]

sam: YO WHAT THE HELL

goggy: CHRIST

arson boy: WHAT SORT OF INFRASONIC VOICE IS THAT ??

greenboi: that is the biggest word i’ve ever heard you say sapnap lol

arson boy: i’ll find you.

buzzy: GUYS

manifall: TUBBO WHAT ARE YOU DOING  
RUN

sam: uh??

traitor: guys my car is here i’ll drive us to ranboo’s

traitor: it’s out the back you guys GO

sam: what’s?? happening??  
can i dip with you guys??

traitor: yeah sure just get to my car

buzzy:  
-[theyrecomingn.mp3]

manifall: LMAO TUBBO RUN

traffic: don’t come over

traitor: we’re in the car ranboo there’s no going back

sam: ranboo is everything alright??

traffic: he’s is sick 

buzzy: we know you are?? niki told us, we can get some soup for you :D

traffic: no  
my dad is too

blood god: can confirm please do not go to ranboo’s house

arson boy: um seconded it’s not pretty

manifall: we’re already half way there you can’t stop us lolol

[@traffic sent a private message to @blood god]

traffic: help

blood god: why weren’t you at school?

traffic: he’s sick

blood god: so?

traffic: he doesn’t like me leaving when he’s sick

blood god: what’s he have?

traffic: .

blood god: ranboo  
he’s not actually sick, is he?

traffic: um

blood god: that’s it i’m telling eret to take you back to his place

traffic: wait  
he’ll be mad tho  
please

blood god: no  
that’s final

[@blood god sent a private message to @traitor]

blood god: eret

traitor: yes techno

blood god: take the kid home

traitor: wait  
why?

blood god:  
\- [lastfridaynight.png]

traitor: oh shit  
ofc   
right away oh my god

blood god: bring him to ours if you can’t take him home.

traitor: okay, will do.  
i should be fine, fundy won’t mind.  
holy shit

——🥂——

manifall: okay  
y’all’s better man the fuck up and tell us WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

traitor: seconded the car is v crowded

kckarl: are  
are you only concerned that the car is crowded??

buzzy: yesh i have mnay questions 

dadza: m  
might have to be explanation time, boys.

trash panda: dad wtf is happening 

blood god: really phil? now? without wil?

dadza: i mean  
if they found what i think they found then, yeah it’s time 

birb: okay what the fuck is happening

language: <— !!

sam: bad i appreciate the attempt but they all just found out

language: wait they did??

buzzy: why are you all in on sowmthn we’re not?? :(

wilby: oh is it that time?

dadza: okay  
@birb, @traffic, @buzzy, @trash panda, @manifall, @kckarl, @goggy, @greenboi, @defo a furry we need to have a talk

kckarl: uh   
what

[@dadza sent a message in the ‘we’re here now’ group chat]

dadza: alr i’m adding the kids

sam: is this a good time?

wilby: they need to know.

blood god: yeah, they’re old enough

arson boy: uh huh  
old enough

language: they’re all at least 16 :((

arson boy: yeah and they go by the names tommy, tubbo and dream

expensive: well, they saw what was up in ranboo’s house so

traitor: why didn’t you tell me? i wouldn’t have let them go over.

sam: same, why didn’t you give us a heads up?

arson boy: how are we meant to tell you that his foster family were like that?? 

sam: touché

dadza: alright i’m adding them

[@dadza added @birb, @traffic, @buzzy, @trash panda, @manifall, @kckarl, @goggy, @greenboi & @defo a furry to ‘we’re here now]

trash panda: start talking, bitch boys.

niki: tommy !!

buzzy: niki??

goggy: okay what the fuck is happening rn  
i woke up to this??

wilby: read the chat desc, you wankers

greenboi: sorry i don’t speak idiot, what did you call us?

blood god: dream for once don’t be an insufferable moron and read the chat desc.

birb: wtf is up hre i  
don’t get it?? explain??

dadza: you all have a minute?

defo a furry: clearly, we’re here.

dadza: okay.

[@dadza started a group call]

[@defo a furry, @goggy, @greenboi, @birb, @traffic, @buzzy, @trash panda, @manifall, @kckarl, @blood god, @wilby, @sam, @niki, @traitor & @arson boy joined the call]

“start talking, phil, before before i speedrun your ass.”

“holy shit, dream, no. do- do not do that, please-“

“i hate to agree with that green asshole but you lot better man the fuck up and explain yourselves.”

incoherent calls back and fourth from the kids and the more mature of them bounced back and fourth, before after minutes of insufferable arguing, sam stepped up to the plate.

“oh my god, shut up! all of you! come over to phil’s, right now, okay? this is important and we need to have this talk.”

“sam, what’s going on? what- have we done something wrong?”

“no, tommy, it’s just time you all knew.”

“are you headed over?”

“don’t worry phil, i still have half of them in my car. we’re headed over.”

people began dropping off the call, one by one, confused half out of their minds. 

gradually, people started to arrive. when eret rocked up with their party car (now including ranboo, tubbo, jack, karl and sam) first, bad, skeppy, wilbur, techno and phil were already there. tommy returned soon after, ditching the rest of his plans in favour of the meet-up, george and dream arriving not long after, met with sapnap who was uncharacteristically silent the whole journey. niki arrived with fundy and schlatt and quackity arrived not long after that, sealing the deal as the final arrivals. the air was tense and somewhat uncomfortable, half the attendants badgering the other about ‘hey, what the fuck?’.

“alright, it’s probably time we told you.”  
phil started, tone grave and voice slow.  
“you’re all gonna have to promise to keep this under wraps, okay? we can’t have this all loosey-goosey, alright?”  
sam’s quip made the entourage nervous somewhat, all now sat (bar bad and skeppy, who were stood by the door and closing the blinds of the window respectively, and wilbur and ranboo who were more so lying down on the living room couch, the older of the two leaning on schlatt who was unfortunately stuck next to him).

a slow murmur of agreement rippled through them, before bad, sam and phil have eachother a look, unreadable. then, bad shut his eyes and started muttering god knows what, and when he opened them, they were a striking, empty white, and slightly luminescent.

“bad what the fuck-“

—🌊—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo wtf is up my dudes bad’s gone batshit? maybe? haha?
> 
> last word is dream btw xx


End file.
